I told her: "It is our job to share the truth. It is God’s job to change people’s hearts."

It was the right advice, but a few days later, I got hit with how hard that actually is to live out. I watched a man walk out of court with his criminal charge dismissed even though he was guilty. But the system let him go. I felt angry and helpless.

I was spinning. And that’s when I had a realization that hit me harder than the verdict:

I have a support system around me, but I wasn't using it.

See, we talk a lot in recovery about "building a tribe." We collect phone numbers. We join groups. We tell our wives we have "accountability."

But this week taught me that it is not enough to build support around you. You have to actually lean on it.

I could have had 100 men in my contacts list while I was sitting in that courtroom feeling angry. But if I didn't unlock my phone and reach out, those 100 men were useless to me.

There is a massive difference between passive availability and active vulnerability.

This is the biggest challenge we face at Transparent Recovery right now. We have the groups. We have the leaders. The help is there. But we see so many men who stay on the fringe—knowing the help exists but refusing to engage with it until it’s too late.

If you are struggling today—whether it's with a court case, a craving, or just the pressure of life—stop comforting yourself with the fact that you "have" people.

Having them isn't enough.

Your job isn't to fix the outcome (that's God's job). Your job is to reach out.

Rooting for you,

Dustin

We talk a lot about building a tribe in recovery. Think of it like building a “safety net.” We get the apps, we join the groups, we make new connections. But for many of us, our safety net has a massive hole in it.

I saw this clearly in my own life this week. I took a few days off to be with family—no phone, no work. It was amazing to see how much "noise" I usually live with and how easy it is to miss being present with the people right in front of me.

But then, reality hit hard.

I faced a situation that left me feeling powerless and angry.

And even though I have built a massive "safety net" around myself—a phone full of contacts and a community of men—I found myself hesitating to use it.

The hole in the safety net wasn't a lack of people. The hole was my unwillingness to be vulnerable.

We think the net catches us automatically. It doesn't. The net is woven together by our words. Every time we stay silent when we are struggling, we cut a hole in the net. Every time we admit we are weak, we tighten the knots.

I told my daughter this week, regarding her frustration with friends who don't want to hear about faith, that she has to focus on her part (sharing) and trust God with the outcome. Recovery is the same.

If you don't do your part, the net doesn't hold.

At Transparent Recovery, we are building the strongest net we can. But we can't force you to jump into it. If you’ve been standing on the edge, waiting for the "right time" to get serious about support, this is your sign.

Close the hole in your net. Reach out!

Transparent Recovery offers FREE virtual support groups for men struggling with porn and sexual addiction. Currently, we have two Monday evening groups and plan to add more days and times in January. Do not wait, the help you are seeking is just a few clicks away and will not cost you anything. Sign up now or reach out with your questions.

"I feel safe and able to be transparent with this group."

"2 months in, the group has been a huge help in not feeling alone while dealing with difficult times in life. The advice, lessons and learning from others rooted in faith has been invaluable."

"I would say the most valuable thing about group is consistent, honest communication, which is especially helpful on weeks I'm struggling."

From a man who has been in group more than 2 years said, "Being in recovery from addiction can be very difficult but being apart of a community with other men who share the same struggles helps me to realize I am not alone. Dustin has a way of leading a group in a way that helps you feel comfortable.”